I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
