I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
