i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
