he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
