Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
