This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
