so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
