Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
