sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
