Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
