I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
