Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
wow bdsm is so cute
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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