Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
