Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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