why didn't you poke me back
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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