she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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