chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
