My room smells like vodka and shame
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
