What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
