3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
