Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
