Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did not marry a roomba.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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