my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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