Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
