Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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