why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I will pee on everything he values.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
