just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please don't give away my fajitas
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