WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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