this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
