He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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