I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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