time to smoke my breakfast
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
