Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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