Why does Corona taste like a burp?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
