Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
