And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
