i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
me + whiskey = a bad person
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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