i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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