ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
