I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
