Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
