hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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