I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
