Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
