I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
