You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
