I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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