I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
