I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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