She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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