plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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