I'm drive I can fine osifer
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize