i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
