I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
