please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
