Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
