It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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