I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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