Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
