you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
