I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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