This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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