i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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