i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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